My Past as Gothic Drama

Just realized that my love story with D (I mean the actual life that I lived and the actual person I dated in my early twenties) might make for a great gothic romance redone. Post modern gothic, if post modern is still a relevant term. Instead of an innocent governess, we have a suburban-kid-turned-stripper. In juxtaposition to EVERY female character on tv, she would not be a victim of sexual abuse; rather, I like the idea of examining all the other reasons a girl might start taking her clothes off.

of course, because it’s me, I want to make it as anti-salacious as possible. Not because salaciousness is necessarily bad, but just as a general FU.

I was thinking about how I met him and then he disappeared, how I sent emails off to a black hole, without knowledge of where they went or what happened to them, how he existed in my life as such an abstract and strange presence: sending bizarre, beautiful gifts (dozens individually and gorgeously wrapped, gathered, and shipped in a large box, not once but over and over again), stumbling upon emails which were written more for himself than me. How could there not be a sense of danger and intrigue? Of course, what threat does he actually pose?

What interests me is not so much the plot, but the inversions and details: taking the girl out of her victimhood stance, but not “empowering” her either. She is. Showing the girl in that numb state, that tough girl that can’t be touched, yet is vulnerable to beauty and attention.

May the catch would be: he allows her to tell her own story, and in telling her story, she finds herself … the catch being, he wasn’t really listening to her narration. Hmmm. I’m imagining her being sent a medium format camera (medium format, of course, to appeal to hipster throwbacks, because we have to take it out of the digital age. actually, that’s a bit of an issue: it can’t be images she’s making, otherwise, hell, she could have just used her phone.), instructions on how to use it (this being part of classic love story, right, the older-man-teaching-girl. maybe these instructions would be sent via snapchat or youtube). And maybe the goal is just to get her to send pictures of herself –no no. that just goes back to exploitation and victimhood. Maybe the crux/reveal is that he’s effing nuts. the point I am imagining is that she begins to think of the world as capturable, seeing birds on a wire, shadows, even her own image as something she can and desires to own (that is, render artistically).

should probably watch whiplash; heard an interview where the director said he had fashioned a personal/psychological tale in the way of Suspense.

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