How do I explain what it’s like to be an avatar? much smarter people than me have written–at least, I believe this has been written– about the psychic space ‘mom’ occupies. Kristeva comes to mind, but damned if I can actually remember what she wrote.
Since this blog is about writing (among other things), let’s try and get the concrete details down: N, eyes bloodshot, speech incoherent, begging for Mommy. I am standing at the door, then beside him, and he still asking for me. It doesn’t matter than I am there; he wants the me-beyond-me, or really, not me, the finite shitty mother that I am, but the mommy space beyond me.